12-24 Weeks (Everyday Is A Blessing)

Week 12:  By this time, Rob & I still did not have anything to celebrate or be happy about.  We were still expecting our twins to pass away, besides that's what the doctors told us.  I broke the good/bad news to the family, friends, and co-workers.  Everyone continued to pray for us.  Natalie, one of my bestest friends, was waaaay more positive than me.  She's a pushy one and I'm glad for it.  She called me one day and said: 

• Nat: Claudette, have you gone online and looked at the MoMo Twins that's survived.  You have to look. 
• Me:  Nat, I'm not ready to be looking at anything like that.  I don't want to get my hopes up.  The doctor gave us little hope.
• Nat:  Just look Claud, all of them had tangled and knotted cords, but they all survived.  Just look.

Natalie can be very persistent and so I eventually gave in and looked at the site.  Seeing all of the MoMo twins and their tangled/knotted cords, I started to have a glimmer of hope that maybe our babies could survive too.  This is the blog she recommended and WOW did it open my eyes to the possibilities http://monoamnioticstories.blogspot.com/.  I then decided, maybe it wasn't that bad to go online and look at more info.  I didn't realize that MoMo Twins make up only 1% of identical twins.  IF IT'S RARE AND OUT OF THE ORDINARY, IT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO ME!!!

Here's some MoMo Twins Factoids:

• Monoamniotic twins are always identical
• Monoamniotic twins are the result of a late splitting egg; one that split around 8-12 days after fertilization
• Monoamniotic twins only occur in 1% of twins
• Monoamniotic twins share a placenta and amniotic sac which means they have skin to skin contact
• Monoamniotic twins are considered extremely high risk because of the risk of cord compression leading to fetal death as a result of umbilical cord entanglement
• Monoamniotic twins are always delivered by C-Section
• Monoamniotic twins are usually delivered between 32-34 weeks gestation because the risks of staying in utero are greater than the risks associated with a premature birth
• 75% of monoamniotic twins are girls
• Inpatient monitoring at viability yeilds the greatest success rates

Viability US:  I've always been a faithful person, but I've never experienced the power of pray on my behalf.  However, from the beginning of our pregnancy we have had so many people praying for us.  I thank GOD daily for surrounding me with friends and family that are so faithful and thoughtful, always keeping us in their prayers.
Rob & I didn't know what to expect when we went in for our 12 Week US.  Again, what can we do?  Nothing.  It was out of our control.  However, there was a growing part of me that felt like these babies are very strong and determined to survive, maybe God will untangle their cords.  AND THEN.....ANOTHER MIRACLE!!!!  THE BABIES UNTANGLED THEMSELVES HALFWAY....THEN WENT FROM 10 TANGLES TO LESS THAN 4.  The doctor gave us our VERY 1ST GOOD NEWS of this whole pregnancy and from then on  OUR HOPE AND FAITH IN THE POWER AND MIRACLES OF GOD JUST GREW AND GREW!!!!

Doctor's Recommendations Week by Week: 

• US every 2 weeks and not to think too far ahead....we would discuss the plan of care with each appointment.  The babies will be preemie.
• 24 Weeks (gives the babies 40% viability).   I would be admitted into the hospital for inpatient monitoring.   I would be on bedrest in the hospital so that they can monitor the babies around the clock.  The biggest risk is cord compression. 
• 26 Weeks (70% viability)...the babes would have a better chance of survival at this gestation
• 28 Weeks (90% viability)...babies can survive for sure with a lot of respiratory/feeding assistance....still high risk for cerebral hemorrhage and necrotizing enterocolitis (which is actually treated by feeding preemies with breastmilk)
• 30 Weeks...decreased risk of cerebral hemorrhage (according to neonatologist)
• 32 Weeks...babies have developed surfactant and may be able to breathe on their own with minimal support
• 34 Weeks.....GOAL!!!!  Delivery at this gestation gives the babies the best chance of survival with less complications of a premature birth!!!!

6-10 Weeks (Misdiagnosis to Miracle)

Week 6 (May 16th, 2012):  For a whole week, I was so excited to have gotten a positive pregnancy test.  Rob on the other hand didn't want to get too excited because all he could think about was our miscarriage 5 years ago.  He hated seeing me go through the emotional and physical pain.  We had an appointment with our Fertility MD to check for a heart beat, I was excited, nervous, and didn't want to get my hopes up.  I was literally shaking while I waited in the lobby.  As soon as I sat on the exam table, the tears started.  Rob help my hand tight and assured me that "Whatever happens, we'll always have each other".  The rest of the conversation I will never forget my whole entire life:

• Me: Is there a heartbeat?
• Doc: Yes, there's heart beat, but I'm concerned.
• Me: What do you mean?
• Doc: Well, if you see over here there's a baby with a heart beat, but I'm concerned about this abnormal placenta tissue.
• Me: Abnormal placenta tissue?  What do you mean?
• Doc:  It looks like a partial molar?  I'm going to ask the other doctor to take a look and confirm.
• Me: But, my HCG wasn't overly high, it was 300.  How could that be?
• Doc:  Sometimes you can have normal HCG levels with a partial moral.
• Me: O.K. So what does that mean for our baby?
• Doc:  Well, the pregnancy may terminate on its own or we can do an elective pregnancy.
• Me:  So how does it terminate on it's own.? Will the molar tissue take over?  What's the plan.  How long will the baby survive?
• Doc:  Yes.  But, termination is recommended because there is a 20% risk of it causing cancer.  The latest I've seen a mom carry is 20 weeks and if you carry this far, we would have to admit you in the hospital for an induction so that you can deliver.  The other option is surgical removal.
• Me:  Well, as long as my baby has a heartbeat I will NOT terminate.  I know that God will not let my baby suffer and he will take care of it. 
• Doc:  Well, the heart will eventually stop, but we'll do US weekly and proceed from there.

Here's info on Partial Molar Pregnancy: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/molar-pregnancy/DS01155
After we left the the doctor's office, I just cried and cried.  Rob was quiet and held my hand the whole time.  Reminding me that NO MATTER WHAT WE ALWAYS HAVE EACH OTHER.

Unfortunately, we had our big Luau Event at work that day.  I probably could have called and said I couldn't make it, but I wanted to be around a lot of people so that I wouldn't have to think of the day's events.  However, all my co-workers knew that I was going in for this US.  I lied to most of them, but there were a few that I told the truth & I couldn't help but cry.  Kelly, who knows the struggles of infertility, told me that being able to get pregnant does not make you a mother.  She now has 2 beautiful adopted children and is one of the greatest moms I know.  Monica, whose faith is stronger than anyone one I know, held my hand tightly and told me "God has blessed you with this baby and I know deep in my heart that you will have this baby".  In truth, I doubted every word that Monica said that day.

Week 7 (Memorial Day Weekend 2012):  Rob & I had expected that our baby was going to pass and we just made the most of being together and our love for one another.  We had 2 more US by this point and the baby's heartbeat was still strong, fast, and at a normal rate.  We were planning on going down to Orlando and visiting my brother for Memorial Day weekend, but the doctor did not recommend it.  That Friday, he measured our baby.

• Doc: Well, the baby's heart rate is still normal, but it's lagging in growth.  It looks like it could be any day now. 
• Me:  I guess it wouldn't be a good idea to travel out of town.
• Doc:  Probably not.
• Me:  Well, atleast we're going to have closure.  It is the inevitable.  What should I expect?
• Doc: You may or may not have cramping and bleeding, but please give us a call.  Otherwise we'll do another US next week.

Week 8: I saw the Nurse Practitioner for our US.

• Me: The doctor told us last week that the baby stopped growing and that the heart may stop over the weekend.  But, I haven't had any bleeding or cramping. 
• NP:  Sometimes it can take a few days for the body to react to the heart stopping.  (She ten proceeded with the US).  
• Me:  Is everything o.k.?
• NP:  Well, I hate to tell you this Claudette, but your baby is measuring exactly 8 weeks and 2 days like it's suppose to.
• Me:  Is the heart still beeping?
• NP: Yes.
• Me:  But, the doctor told us last week that it stopped growing.  I'm confused.
• NP:  I know, but it's measuring according to your gestation.
• Me:  Look at that baby for me and tell me if you see anything developmentally wrong with it.
• NP: No I don't.
• Me: What about the molar tissue?
• NP:  It looks like it stopped growing.  Let's schedule for another US next week.
• Me: I don't understand.

After this appointment, I became very confused.  Additionally, there was a deep feeling inside me that kept growing and nagging at my thoughts.  A voice inside kept telling me that THIS BABY WANTS TO LIVE.  THIS BABY IS A GIRL AND SHE IS STRONG, DETERMINED, AND A FIGHTER.  JUST LIKE HER MAMA.

Week 9:  I decided to cancel my appointment with the Fertility group and decided to get a second opinion.  I felt I needed more answers, I felt my baby wanted to live, I felt GOD wanted my baby to live, I was up to the challenge of being a rarity in the OB world and deliver a partial molar pregnancy.  I decided to seek a second opinion with Regional Obstetric Consultants (ROC), the best maternal/fetal specialists in Jacksonville.  However, to do so I needed a referral from a delivery OB.  So after phone call after phone call I was able to get in with a OB MD from the beach, who had some connections with ROC.  They were able to get me an appointment in 2 days.  The OB told me that he's only seen 1 partial molar pregnancy in the many many years he's practiced.  He understand why I didn't want to terminate because he is Catholic as well, but he also discussed the risk of cancer.  However, I was more than prepared to put myself at risk because again I felt my baby was a survivor.

You can clearly see one baby, the other little round head is what was mistaken as molar tissue.  The specialists says the mistake was made because the babies were so tangled and close together that they looked like a mass instead of 2 babies.  She was surprised that they did not see 2 heartbeats from the beginning.

Week 10 (God Blessed Us With a Miracle!!!):  Our appointment with the high risk specialists ROC.

• US Tech:  So they told you that you had a partial molar pregnancy?
• Me: Yes.  Have you seen that before?
• US Tech:  A few times.  Let me get the doctor.  
• Doc:  Hi there!  So tell me your story.
• Me:  I tell her the story week by week as I've described above.
• Doc:  Wow!!!  I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.  The good news is that YOU DON'T HAVE A PARTIAL MOLAR PREGNANCY.
• Me:  WHAT?  (I raised up off the table, turned to look at Rob, who eyes were wide and speechless)
• Doc:  You have twins?
• Me: Twins?! ( I again look at Rob, same expression, happiness came over both us)
• Doc:  But, they're in the same sac and their cords are tangled.  Let's get you cleaned up and we'll talk in my office.
• Me:  So they're identical?  
• Doc:  Yes.  But, they are a rare type of twins that are very high risk.  Let's talk about it in my office.
• ****So we go into her office.
• Doc:  What you have are Monoamniotic/Monochorionic twins.  They are very rare and very high risk.  There are not many studies or data on these type of twins because they are very rare.  Unfortunately they have a less than 50% chance of surviving.  In your case the cords are already very tangled, this causes compression, and eventually demise.  DON'T EXPECT TO BRING ANY BABIES HOME.  (Because we are both health care professionals, she then described to us the pathophysiology and drawing of how our babies would pass)....too much detail for me.
• Me:  So what does that mean?
• Doc:  Well, termination is an option.  Depending on how far you deliver them we can do a D&C or an induction.  
• Me:  Well, let me tell you something.  God already blessed us with 2 miracles.  1 that we got pregnant and 2 we have twins instead of a partial molar.  It is not my decision to end the life of my babies, God will take care of them and make sure that they do not suffer.  I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT TERMINATE MY BABIES.  I'm going to leave it up to God.  
• Doc:  That's o.k.  Well, let's do a viability US in 2 weeks to see how things are going (12 weeks gestation).  I'm so sorry to have given you more bad news.  You've been through so much.
• Me:  That's o.k.  What you told us today is a miracle and I'm gonna continue to pray that God will continue to bless us with another miracle, the life of our babies.

5 Weeks.....I'M PREGNANT!!!

So it's been a week and I haven't started yet.

I'm thinking:
Is it possible I could be pregnant?
No way, I always think I'm pregnant and then I start.
Plus the fertility doctors says "No Chance" "Don't hold your breath" "Less than 8% chance".
I've never been late before, this is the latest I've been.  Should I take a test now or wait another week?

I'm one of the most impatient people I know....OF COURSE I TOOK A TEST at 6AM.
The stick says POSITIVE!!!!  WHAT?!!!  I call Rob, he doesn't believe me cause the stick is 3 years old.  Rob says "Go to the store on your way to work and buy another test".

I go to CVS, my knees are shaking, I buy 5 pregnancy tests!  I've never been so excited in CVS before!

I got to work, OH NO....there's no privacy anywhere.....the doctors are in a meeting upstairs & the girls are in a staff meeting in the lobby.....I NEED A PRIVATE BATHROOM!!!  O.K. RECOVERY ROOM HERE I COME.......SOOOOO ANXIOUS!!!!

I pee on 3 sticks, WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT!!!!   It's ALL POSITIVE!!!
What do I do?  I need someone to see this!  I don't believe what I'm seeing.  I grab Cheryl, she's in shock why I'm dragging her down the hall, I pull her into the bathroom, I point at the sticks, she says: "HONEY YOU'RE PREGNANT!"

Did someone just say I'M PREGNANT???  I CRY & CRY!!!   I say: "WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK THIS TIME?  I CRY & SHAKE UNCONTROLLABLY.....

Beth hears us and comes in the bathroom....she's concerned...I show her the sticks.....We're all hugging....they try to reassure me that I REALLY AM PREGNANT & IT'S GONNA BE O.K.  Beth says "IT'S GONNA WORK THIS TIME"

Jen hears crying, she comes in the bathroom, I show her the sticks.....
I'M FROZEN-----I'M SHAKING-----I'M CRYING----All I remember saying is "WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK?!"

The secret is out at work, everyone is happy for me, BUT I'M FEARFUL.

• Fearful that I'm dreaming
• Fearful that it's too early to be sure
• Fearful that I'll miscarry again
• Fearful that it may be a MOLAR
• Fearful that it's not real

I call my fertility nurse, she says "ARE YOU SURE?"
I said "5 STICKS SURE!" "Can you draw blood, I need this confirmed because I'll go CRAZY!"
She says "Come on in this afternoon we'll draw blood to confirm".....

AND THE WAITING BEGINS.....................